Thinking of Bobby — a gay man who taught me about the gay experience from 1980s-1990s

A photo I took in Rolla, Missouri, after their drag show at their Pride event this past weekend. It was a fabulous time and heartwarming to see so much community support.

I’ve been thinking about my friend Bobby this week. He was a gay man who lived through the AIDS epidemic and was disowned by his family for coming out. As a young adult, Bobby taught me about that time. I was raised in a conservative environment and was sheltered, so had no idea what the gay community was going through in the 80s and 90s.

Last I heard of Bobby, he was diagnosed late with AIDS because his small town doctor couldn’t figure it out until it was too late. By the time I heard this, it was a month or so after he had been known to be on his deathbed. I assumed at the time he was gone and had no way to find out or contact him. Bobby was one of the nicest guys. Sweet. Wise. Smart. But also carried the heartbreak of being gay during Reagan’s reign of terror on the gay community. Which means he had to see friends and loved ones die young, because of homophobia. I miss him and hate I never got to see him at the end.

Today I feel like we’re living in similar times to the 80s. We have an administration willfully and gleefully enacting policies that will cause the deaths of many in the trans community. All in the name of Christian love. We need to remain strong and supportive of the trans community during this time, just as we should have during the AIDS epidemic for gay folks. We shouldn’t be abandoning them for political points or whatever. We shouldn’t be rolling with segregating them from society and forcing them out of their jobs and public life. And causing them serious harms. Like Reagan refusing to help the gay community fight the AIDS epidemic, Trump and his administration are keen on attacking healthcare for trans folks. They don’t care whether they live or die, just like Reagan. And we should not accept that. We should speak up against it, or history will continue to repeat itself. The only difference is the target isn’t gay people this time, it’s the trans community.

Bobby educated my sheltered ass. He didn’t have to but he did. Many sheltered in conservative communities would not have listened to Bobby. They would have labeled him as a liberal, commie, woke bastard or whatever they’re calling it now. I’m thankful I did not do that.

RIP Bobby, this 🏳️‍🌈 is for you.

Be good to each other,

Nat ✌️

This post is made free by community member Nichole Higgins.