Ask Nat 001: How do you handle political divisiveness within your friend/family group?

8 October 2024.

8:24am.

Question: How do you handle political divisiveness within your friend/family group?

This is the first anonymous question for Weaver’s Deep Thoughts and of course it’s a heavy one, an extremely difficult question to answer. An arguably impossible question to answer. There just is no cookie-cutter solution to this dilemma. I will do my best to explain my thoughts on this difficult scenario we all seem to run into these days and provide some decent tips, but there really is no simple answer.

First, I’m working under the assumption the person who asked this doesn’t mean they want to know what I do personally in my personal relationships when they say “you” but rather generally how does one handle a situation like this. To that end, here is my response.

I personally believe political views absolutely should not cause division in a family or friendship, and if it does one or both parties need to reevaluate their political views, because if their political views demand such loyalty that they have to disrupt and possibly cut off family, there is something wrong with someone’s political beliefs in this relationship that is pushing someone away. The same is true of religion and in religion we would call this a cult. That said, this is an ideal, and we don’t live in this ideal. Current politics is very divided and for good reason as some political views and decisions are causing real-world harm to people. For example, a recent study has found that anti-transgender laws have caused an uptick in suicide attempts by 72% among transgender and non-binary youth. Anti-transgender political views are not a political issue that is passive or easily overlooked as lives are at stake. That’s just one issue that can be a deal-breaker for family members and friends, when people’s very existence is politicized to extreme levels.

All of that said, how does one handle it when this is happening in their family or friend circle? My first suggestion would be to talk. In the past, there have been times when I thought trying to keep the peace by avoiding political discussion was helpful, and in some cases it could be, but oft times it sends a silent message that the family or friend is doing fine and that you even agree with them. So, talk. Could be a simple conversation, could be a full-on trying to discuss it out with each other. Gauge it and choose your battles. I hate the word debate. If you are “debating” your friends and family, you’re already in a bad place with that relationship. If someone uses that term, remind them it isn’t a debate, it’s two friends or siblings or relatives or whatever talking. There’s no reason why it should have to be an official thing with a name.

The other tip I would give is to consider your boundaries. If you don’t know much about setting boundaries, and maintaining them, look into that. You may find some handy suggestions and techniques. I’ll put it this way, if being with a person and their political beliefs is toxic, harmful, and even abusive, than you should probably set some boundaries. Maybe it’s a time-based one where you all take a break from one another. It could be that you put some distance between each other or cut back on communication. As someone who is bipolar, I’m a big fan of self-care. Take care of yourself, and possibly even your other loved ones, if the person or persons takes their political beliefs too far.

Sometimes, of course, someone can take things too far and a relationship has to end. Back to my point about my ideal scenario with politics, I really don’t think it should have to be this way. We should absolutely be able to hold different political views and get along fine. But when those political views are violent, harmful, racist, sexist, phobic, or exist to tear down other groups and strip them of their rights, it’s different.

This is a way longer answer than I wanted to give, and I assume future ones will be more concise. It’s just that this is such a complex question with no singular answer.

I hope whoever submitted the question finds the helpful. I think almost all of us are struggling with this question these days.

Please provide your thoughts or tips to this difficult question in the comments below.

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